Let’s Normalize Checking In On Our Managers Too
Mental health is for everyone — including the people we expect to lead us through everything.
We’ve all seen the posters in the office kitchen. Heard the wellness webinars. Sat through those “resilience” trainings. Mental health is finally becoming a regular conversation in the workplace — and that’s a good thing.
But there’s a gap. A blind spot, actually.
We’re checking in on employees. We’re making space for burnout discussions. We’re throwing around words like “psychological safety” and “emotional intelligence.” All important. All overdue.
Yet somehow, one group keeps getting left out of the mental health conversation: our managers.
Yes, the people in charge. The ones expected to lead, mediate, advocate, problem-solve, motivate, and keep everything from falling apart — with a smile on their face and a quarterly goal sheet in their back pocket.
We assume they’re fine. We expect them to be. And we rarely ask otherwise.
But the truth is, just because someone is leading doesn’t mean they’re not breaking down behind the scenes.
The Hidden Weight of Leadership
We like to think of managers as the strong ones. The steady ones. The ones who are supposed to have answers and be okay even when things aren’t.
But what we often forget is that managers are under immense pressure — both from above and below. They’re sandwiched between executive demands and team needs. They’re tasked with driving performance while protecting morale. They’re expected to be strategic, emotionally intelligent, available, and somehow unaffected.
That pressure? It builds. And if there’s no space for managers to acknowledge that pressure or get support themselves, it becomes an invisible weight they’re forced to carry alone.
We talk a lot about emotional labor in the workplace, but we rarely acknowledge how much of that labor sits on the shoulders of people in leadership. And unlike team members, managers often have fewer safe places to let that guard down. They might fear looking “weak.” They might worry that asking for help undermines their authority. Or maybe, no one’s ever thought to ask them how they’re doing — because they’re the ones who are supposed to be asking.
Let’s Be Honest: The Culture Is Broken
We’ve created this unspoken rule where leaders are expected to be emotionally bulletproof. But emotional armor isn’t sustainable. And the longer someone wears it, the more isolated they feel.
The problem isn’t just individual — it’s cultural. Our workplaces tend to reward output, composure, and control. But rarely do we reward vulnerability at the top. We praise managers who can “handle it all” without complaint, who “always show up,” who never break.
And yet, those same managers are burning out in silence. Carrying anxiety into the weekends. Losing sleep over team dynamics, budget cuts, conflicting priorities. Trying to be everything to everyone — without a moment to exhale.
If that’s what leadership looks like, no wonder so many people are opting out. If we want healthier teams, we need healthier leaders. And if we want healthier leaders, we have to start checking in on them — genuinely, regularly, and without assumption.
The Future of Leadership is Human
There’s a generational shift happening right now. You can feel it. Quiet quitting. Soft life culture. Work-life integration. Employees are no longer afraid to ask for boundaries and prioritize well-being. And increasingly, they want the same from their leaders.
This is where empathetic leadership becomes more than a buzzword — it becomes a necessity. But here’s the catch: empathy can’t flow in one direction. We can’t ask managers to care deeply about their teams and then deny them the same care in return.
To build a truly inclusive and sustainable workplace culture, we have to de-hierarchize emotional support. Mental health doesn’t stop at a certain salary bracket. It doesn’t become irrelevant once someone has a direct report. In fact, the higher the stress, the more support is needed — not less.
Checking in on your manager isn’t weird. It’s just human. And honestly, it might be the one thing they didn’t know they needed that day.
What It Actually Looks Like
This doesn’t have to be complicated. No one’s asking you to cross professional boundaries or become your manager’s therapist. But checking in can be simple, respectful, and powerful.
Here are a few ways to start:
“I know there’s been a lot going on — how are you holding up lately?”
“You’ve been managing a ton of moving parts. Is there anything the team can do to take something off your plate?”
“Just wanted to say I see all the effort you’ve been putting in. I hope you’re finding moments to take care of yourself, too.”
It’s not about fixing anything. It’s about creating space. It’s about signaling that leadership doesn’t mean invincibility. That managers are allowed to be human, too.
And if you’re a manager reading this, maybe this is your reminder that you’re not expected to carry everything on your own. You’re not “failing” if you’re overwhelmed. You’re not less of a leader if you’re struggling. You’re not alone.
There is strength in naming what’s hard. There is power in asking for help. And there is nothing more quietly revolutionary than a leader who chooses to lead with honesty and heart, instead of perfection.
We’ve made progress in workplace mental health conversations — but we’ve left a critical piece out of the puzzle. Managers are often expected to support everyone else while rarely being supported themselves. They’re people too, with real emotions, real stress, and real needs. If we want to build workplaces that are truly safe and sustainable, we need to normalize checking in on our leaders. Because mental health is for everyone — not just the people on the team, but the people guiding it.
This week, take a moment to check in with the person you report to. You don’t need a script. Just a little sincerity. A little curiosity. A little care.
And if you're leading a team yourself, take this as permission to create the culture you've always wanted to work in — one where well-being isn’t a performance review topic, but a daily practice.
Mental health at work starts with honest connection. Let’s build that in all directions — not just bottom-up, but side-to-side, and top-down too.
Because we’re all human. And we all deserve to be seen.