The Hidden Stress of Holding It All Together
Every team has that one person — the steady one. The calm voice in the storm. The leader, manager, or colleague who quietly keeps things running, who notices the details others miss, who holds space when everyone else is overwhelmed.
We often celebrate that steadiness. But what we rarely talk about is the hidden stress that comes with always being the one who “holds it all together.”
Because while emotional strength is a gift, it can also become a weight — especially when the workplace doesn’t recognise the cost of carrying it.
The Emotional Load Behind Leadership
A 2024 Australian Institute of Health and Safety report found that nearly half of all people leaders experience symptoms of chronic stress or fatigue related to emotional labour — the ongoing effort of managing others’ emotions while suppressing their own.
In HR, leadership, and caregiving roles, this often shows up as:
Being the “go-to” person for everyone’s problems
Taking on extra work to protect the team
Staying composed even when you’re struggling
Feeling guilty for needing rest or support
Over time, this invisible load chips away at wellbeing. What starts as care becomes exhaustion disguised as competence.
The Cost of Composure
The pressure to stay composed can be isolating. Leaders often tell themselves, “If I fall apart, everything else will too.” So they hold it all — the expectations, the emotions, the unseen labour.
But composure without support eventually becomes emotional suppression. It’s not that these leaders lack resilience — it’s that they’ve run out of safe places to let go.
That’s why so many strong, empathetic leaders quietly burn out. Their exhaustion is hidden behind capability. Their stress masked by professionalism.
Why Organisations Need to Notice
When those who hold everything together start to unravel, entire teams feel it.
The World Health Organization’s 2025 workplace wellbeing report notes that emotional labour, when unsupported, leads to higher rates of absenteeism, disengagement, and turnover among middle managers — the very people responsible for keeping culture intact.
This is a systemic issue, not a personal one. Workplaces rely heavily on emotionally intelligent leaders — but rarely offer them the care or recovery they need in return.
How to Support the Ones Who Support Everyone Else
1. Normalise vulnerability in leadership.
Create spaces where managers can share challenges without stigma. Leadership coaching, reflective circles, or confidential wellbeing check-ins can make a real difference.
2. Redistribute emotional load.
Encourage shared ownership of culture and wellbeing. When everyone contributes to psychological safety, it doesn’t fall on the same few shoulders.
3. Model self-care as strategy, not indulgence.
When senior leaders visibly rest, delegate, or seek help, it sends a message: care isn’t a weakness — it’s a leadership skill.
4. Offer structured recovery.
Just like physical recovery after performance, emotional recovery should be built into leadership programs and workload design.
The Future of Sustainable Leadership
The strongest leaders aren’t the ones who hold everything together at all costs.
They’re the ones who know when to pause, ask for help, and create systems that don’t depend on one person’s endurance.
In emotionally healthy workplaces, resilience is shared. And care goes both ways.
Because even the most grounded leaders need grounding too.
It’s time we stop glorifying the leaders who “never break” — and start celebrating the ones who know when to breathe, reset, and rebuild.
The truth is, holding it all together isn’t strength if it costs your wellbeing. Real leadership is learning when to loosen your grip — so your team, and you, can grow.